Do you hear what I hear?

Tonight was a very rare night - I had a somewhat out of body experience.  Well, it was more like an out of mouth experience.  Now before your mind goes off in all kind of directions, indulge me as I recount this most hilarious encounter.

So I’m headed home on my lovely Red Line when several stops after I board, two young ladies alight the train.  I heard them coming before I saw them as they were engaged in what sounded like a heated venting session about a third party.  Tired from a long and busy day at work, I was initially really annoyed by the girls’ earsplitting prattle.  Since their volume was impeding my progress in doing just about everything else, I eventually started eavesdropping consciously, with both ears.  Here’s what happened next:

Jilted Girl to Vigilante BFF: He tolt me he was thru wit dat hoe a month ago! I can’t buhleave he got the nerve to show up wit her. He knew I was gone be there. Like, oh ma god girl, how he gone do dat!? Girl I was gone f--- her up! He is MY man!!!

Vigilante BFF to Jilted Girl: Oooooo girl…I KNOW he di-int! We gone git him girl.

At this point I was oddly intrigued by how sad it was to hear a young woman waste her precious breath (and time) on a man who clearly had no intention of making her a permanent fixture in his life…and I also felt the urge to pray fervently for a magical remote control to mute this debacle of a side show.  That prayer went unanswered, so I kept listening…

                Jilted Girl to BFF (shaking her head): and come to find out he got that b---- pregnant!!!

                BFF to Jiltee (suddenly inhales with eyes wide): OOOOOOO GIRL SHUT UP NO HE DI-INT!!!

The train pulled into my station, the doors opened, and just at that moment I succumbed to a most unusual and violent urge, opened my mouth and blurted out: Oh YES he did guuuurrrlll!!!  then bolted out the door as it closed.  I have to admit I cracked up pretty bad and in my haste barely made it up all the stairs without tripping.

I guess I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I was just so tired of rude passengers always forcing me to listing to their crazy music and their onerous conversations I no longer viewed it as rude to chime in.  I didn’t want to be part of their tragically lame discourse but I couldn’t really pull myself away it was so hilariously entertaining.

Word to the wise: if you talk loud enough for everyone to hear, expect a response from anyone.

Word to the wiser: take heed when you chime in, it could be dangerous!

In the words of Bon Qui Qui: Don’t interrupt. Rude!